Great new post from Intentional Warriors!
Great new post from Intentional Warriors!
I love football! I especially love college football. But like most men in America I’ve listed to the headlines over the last few week, and listed to the talking heads on local and national radio talk “ad nausium” about so many players in trouble with the law over what the press is calling “domestic violence issues”. Because of MY addiction, I look at the world a bit differently than most, I’ll admit. While they talk about about all of these football players in trouble with the law, and the league, nobody seems to be asking the all important WHY! has this become a glaring issue NOW? What has changed in the landscape of society that is making men behave so badly toward women? These aren’t just random women either. These are spouses, girlfriends, etc.
My why is this. Men in this country are being systematically programmed to view women as mere commodities for their pleasure. Young men in their 20’s have grown up entirely in a digital world of instant gratification. Their education about how to treat a woman has not come from a father, grandfather, member of the clergy or even a family friend, Instead these twenty something have since their early teens been fed a steady diet of hard-core pornography. What started as titillating looks at lingerie and swimsuit models in our favorite sports magazines has turned to weekly or daily diversions into a world of dark, violent and abhorrent depictions of sex.
These men find that life outside of their digital playgrounds leaves them increasingly frustrated. Digital women are ALWAYS ready, and they never say, “not tonight”. The problem with sitting in front of a computer screen and masturbating is that your brain literally doesn’t know the difference between your fantasy and your reality.
You say you don’t believe in this systematic programming that starts very simply and almost imperceptibly. It’s so subtle, that not even the women in our lives full appreciate the power of this programming. Let’s look at the popular images of the football world.
On a typical Sunday, we tune in to our favorite game, wishing we were out with our buddies at the local water hole. After all, Coach Gruden told me that my beer tastes better when served by a Hooters girl. I open the fridge at home and find myself drinking alone, but hey I’ve got the Budweiser girls to keep me company. Hey look, the Dallas Cowboys are playing and it’s almost halftime….my favorite part. This is what football is all about….Wait, WHAT? Oh well….I can still pop out at halftime and get a burger at my local Carls’ Jr. and then get back to the game. man, it sure is crazy about all these football players disrespecting women and treating them so badly!
I was driving a few evenings ago and tuned into my local ESPN affiliate and it was ESPNW where a few female commentators were lamenting this terrible situation in the NFL with all of the domestic violence. What can be done. When they cut to local commercials, they were for Buffalo Wild Wings, Twin Peaks and a local men’s clinic that advertises a return of your manhood with a $199 office visit. I’m not making this up!
How about we as a society start demanding REAL manhood from our men. PORN (all types) is ruining our brains and shaping the way we we treat women. Look at this study.
It’s not just athletes that are struggling with this in their lives. It’s simply that the consequences are much more glaring with someone who is in the public spotlight. Here locally (Oklahoma) we have just as many college ball players (OU) that have been in trouble with the law for bad sexual behaviors and/or violence against women as we have seen in the NFL.
Here are some links to those stories.
In summary, my belief here is that the violence we are seeing against women by scores of twenty something football players is a symptom of a MUCH larger problem that will be hurting our society for years to come until somebody says, “enough”. The systematic devaluation of woman in our society due to the over-use of pornography is something that can’t be denied. There is clear evidence of the addictive nature of pornography.
As the landscape of the NFL continues to frustrate and up set us, let’s start looking for real answers and stop avoiding the white elephant in the room. The answer is just a click away!
Now and then, I see pornography statistics in one source or another — the percentage of people using porn, the amount of money spent, the number of hours consumed, and more. Although I’ve long recognized porn as a huge problem, the stats never fail to surprise me in some way.
Maybe it’s how young people are when exposed. Maybe it’s how much free porn is now available online. Maybe it’s the percentage of people who believe porn is a morally acceptable practice.
Why exactly am I surprised? Because the damage is so clear for anyone willing to look at statistics, studies, and marriages impacted by porn. If you’re using pornography, it’s time to stop. Here are just five reasons why:
Actually, quite the opposite is true. Emerging brain science shows that pornography is even more addictive than cocaine or alcohol. Psychiatrist Norman Doidge, author of best-selling book The Brain That Changes Itself, explains:
“Pornography, by offering an endless harem of sexual objects, hyperactivates the appetitive system. Porn viewers develop new maps in their brains, based on the photos and videos they see. Because it is a use-it-or-lose-it brain, when we develop a map area, we long to keep it activated. Just as our muscles become impatient for exercise if we’ve been sitting all day, so too do our senses hunger to be stimulated.”
With pornography, in other words, our brain’s pleasure system that excites our desires is activated, but users are unable to ever find real satisfaction. This explains why certain people can spend endless hours searching for pornography on the Internet, and why it is increasingly difficult for many to find satisfaction in normal physical sexual relationships. It also explains why the content of pornography in recent years has changed so drastically. Women simply revealing their breasts no longer excite users. The content in pornography is increasingly dominated today by pseudo-child images (women dressed and posed to look younger), and by sadomasochistic themes of forced sex, ejaculations on women’s faces, angry anal sex all with the end-goal of humiliating, and objectifying one or more of the participants, usually female.
Learn more about the addictive nature of pornography here:
Such a common argument from porn viewers, but it’s not true. Pornography actually deteriorates one’s ability to have empathy, while at the same time it sexualizes pain, domination and humiliation. While at first using porn may seem fun or beneficial, it inevitably leads to a drastic disconnect between partners. Porn is addictive, and leaves the viewer with a cache of images to pluck from memory. These images become your sexual partner…not the person you are with. Sexual interactions become about playing out a scene and not about enjoying your partner. What pornography really does is, place a very large wedge between couples. It’s skews expectations, desires, and boundaries. The sad truth is that most relationships suffer because of porn. Sexual intimacy is difficult to participate in when you have already masturbated a few times in one day. People think porn will teach you how to please your partner, but really it just teaches you to please yourself.
“Porn sex is not about making love, as the feelings and emotions we normally associate with such an act — connection, empathy, tenderness, caring, affection — are replaced by those more often connected with hate — fear, disgust, anger, loathing, and contempt.” – Gail Dines, Pornland
Unfortunately this is becoming all too common, and we are still shocked when we hear of the double life that men are leading. By all accounts he was the model father and citizen. His phone records show he was sexting naked pictures to girls as young as 17 while his son was burning to death in a hot car. How can you hear these types of stories and not see that the sexual addiction is more powerful than any substance?